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Of Life And Love

Quartermaster’s log day 12, 14th June 2014

I’d like to talk about Motoko today and how she came to join The Gemini Project.

When I decided to take part in this journey I though long and hard about what to do about her, not wanting to endanger her in any conceivable way and fearing that her reactions to being aboard a boat may actually put her in peril.

In the end, the decision to bring her along came down to a single factor.  I love her.  She means the world to me and while I initially feared for her safety I quickly opted to turn that energy towards finding ways to make the trip safe for her.  It’s something I’ve spent a great deal of time considering at length.

I have no delusions about the disparity of our lifespans.  I’ll keep plodding through this long and lonesome life, left a little darker for her departure, long after she is gone.  It makes me want to cry, drinking in the sorrow like a bitter drought on a cold and bleak night.  It makes me want to grab her up and hug her tight, showering her with all the love and attention she deserves.  It also makes me want to give her all the finest things she can enjoy in life.

That is why she’s coming with me.  I’m giving her the most valuable gift I could ever afford to give her.  I give her a life of adventure and exploration, to sate her curiosity.  I give her a life of compassion and care, to quench her thirst for love.

I give her immortality in the memories we will forge together, of the fun and exploits we will share, of the shenanigans we find our way into.

This last one I do for me as much as her.  As much as it hurts thinking about losing her, the pain of thinking about forgetting her when she’s gone is a terrible agony that cuts down to the bone.

So she sticks with me, now and for the rest of our lives.  First as a physical presence and later as a part of me in my memories and in all the love she helped to flower in my heart.

I love you Motoko, more than I can really express.  You’ve always been there to see me through when I felt alone and unhappy.

‘Love knows not distance; it hath no continent; its eyes are for the stars.’

-Gilbert Parker

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